2006年4月1日

發發家長的嘮叨

原來小朋友的遊戲都幾值得關心。例如果日在巴士上,有小朋友和婆婆玩「磨利刀」,大大聲「斬死你!斬死你!」;另一對姐妹就響度玩什麼「007上天堂、007下地獄」。如果佢無嘈住我睇報紙就由自可,咁好明顯佢地「斬死人」既聲浪已到了叫人毛骨悚然的地步,坐在後排的父母卻沒有干涉。

家長日又好,平時與家長通電好,時常有家長問,我個小朋友咁咁咁,點算好﹖

我又未結婚,無小孩,沒有什麼資格教人教仔。不過有時一聽家長說,就知家教出問題。有些家長從小朋友小時候開始就「怕左佢」,不想破壞親子關係,不打不鬧只講道理,甚至包庇孩子的錯,處處找學校的碴來證實孩子「我本善良」,根本默許孩子的行為。

我有時發火,心裡想如果你係我個仔,我一早一巴扯過去。(,有D道德重整派既網友就會話,你身為老師,發表鼓勵體罰既言論係唔啱既唔該你反省下諸如此類,麻煩你唔好麻煩你自己留言。你連一個幻想一個比喻都接受唔到我係唔會理你既。)

有些小孩子性格自由奔放,你說學校還可以點教﹖如果道理講得通,細路一早就乖乖地。教育過程裡適當的罰則不可少,罰不等於體罰,但要讓孩子知道不恰當的行為會有後果。上帝會願諒你707次,但社會現實不會。

荒謬的家長指控日日新鮮鍋鍋甘,我這些「大口怪」常被人投訴不是奇事,時有人喜歡把自己沒有說過的話送入我口中,暫且按下不表,費事又話我亂張學生的事廣發公眾(聽聞有家長投訴老師,在自己的網論盡學生的事是不對的,君又不見家長看看學生在自己的網誌罵盡老師的祖宗十八代作為老師的卻必須扮作無知/大方)。有家長話教師打學生同叫學生去跳樓,我就會反問在這個顧客至上消費主義的教育年代,還有老師可以這樣說嗎﹖C,告佢誹謗啦。

掉轉頭講,是不是孩子和青少年人把成長的問題全丟給家庭背景便過骨呢﹖今日娛樂版話,名模Naomi Campell又打人。Naomi臭脾氣全世界都知,佢歸咎童年遭父親拋棄成為缺乏安全感的陰影。所謂心理學我不是專家,但人有自由意志,明知脾氣臭,咪自己用意志力解決佢囉,有童年陰影卻奮發自強的例子不勝枚舉,為何世界偏偏只有你一個咁慘﹖我真係唔識體諒。

家長日有家長問,有什麼事要向你代禱﹖我心想,要代禱的事實在太多了。謝謝你,那一刻我真的很感動。

30 則留言:

同事E 說...

學生做錯事話俾家長聽, 家長要知既只係你會唔會罰, 點教? 無得教!

JLCARMEN 說...

我是學生,不過我都是人。閱讀過你的BLOG。加油呀老師,代禱。

Nelson 說...

街坊報告,新移民家長不但沒有阻止兒子破壞公共屋邨照明燈柱,還惡言喝罵指責其子的老街坊,一如董建華的家長大駡各界反中亂港人士,劣質家長是國家社會風氣問題,Miss lee辛苦了。

同事E 說...

Miss Lee, let's cheer up each other!

Quoted: 信念是一粒種子

  很久以前,為了開闢新的街道,倫敦拆除了許多陳舊的樓房。然而新路卻久久沒有開工,舊樓房的地基在那裏,任憑日曬雨淋。

  有一天,一群自然科學家來到了這裏,他們發現,在這一片多年來未見天日的地基上,這些日子裏因為接觸了春天的陽光雨露,竟長出了一片野花野草。奇怪的是,其中有一些花草卻是在英國從來沒有見到過的,它們通常只生長在地中海沿岸國家。

  這些被拆除的樓房,大多都是在羅馬人沿著泰晤士河進攻英國時建造的,大概花草的種籽就是那個時候被帶到了這裏。它們被壓在沉重的石頭磚瓦之下,一年又一年,幾乎已經完全喪失了生存的機會。但令人感到意外的是,一旦它們見到了陽光,就立即恢復了勃勃生機,綻開了一朵朵美麗的鮮花。

  小小的種子真令人驚歎,它們是如此的柔弱卻又如此的堅韌,即使在沉重的磚瓦下壓上數百年,它們依然能夠保持自己鮮活的生命。一旦陽光照耀,一旦雨露滋潤,它們便又煥發出勃勃的生機。一粒種子,即使被埋沒數百年,依然蘊藏著生的希望;那麼一個人,當他處於困境時,又當如何呢?

  有一年,一支英國探險隊進入撒哈拉沙漠的某個地區,在茫茫的沙海裏跋涉。陽光下,漫天飛舞的風沙像炒紅的鐵砂一般,撲打著探險隊員的面孔。口渴似炙,心急如焚 -大家的水都沒了。這時,探險隊長拿出一隻水壺,說:這裏還有一壺水,但穿越沙漠前,誰也不能喝。

一壺水,成了穿越沙漠的信念之源,成了求生的寄託目標。 水壺在隊員手中傳遞,那沉甸甸的感覺使隊員們瀕臨絕望的臉上,又露出堅定的神色。終於,探險隊頑強地走出了沙漠,掙脫了死神之手。大家喜極而泣,用顫抖的手擰開那壺支撐他們的精神之水 -緩緩流出來的,卻是滿滿的一壺沙子!

  炎炎烈日下,茫茫沙漠裏,真正救了他們的,又哪里是那一壺沙子呢?他們執著的信念,已經如同一粒種子,在他們心底生根發芽,最終領著他們走出了絕境。

   事實上,人生從來沒有真正的絕境。無論遭受多少艱辛,無論經歷多少苦難,只要一個人的心中還懷著一粒信念的種子,那麼總有一天,他就能走出困境,讓生命重新開花結果。

  人生就是這樣,只要種子還在,希望就在。

sunfai 說...

當年讀書時聽曾榮光教授講, 教育是充滿張力, 因為家長、教師、學生、general 的社會公眾都有不同的期望及利益。

聽的是後覺得很有道理, 想來這樣的評論加諸於前線的教師, 好像有點殘忍。

港燦 說...

miss lee : 真人真事。有位街坊,兩公婆都是土生土長專業人士。他的兒子愛破壞公物,當被其他人面斥,他必如老師你所言,愛惡人先告狀。每次要見家長,街坊一定同老師講,佢地一路認為佢愛兒有過度活躍症,我地對呢方面既無專業知識,又無時間理,身為老師你毫不察覺,唔需負責咩 ? 好一句 "過度活躍",街坊就把他們的責任彈回老師身上。

類似街坊,小燦已不是第一次見,而且這街坊都是受過高深教育的本地人,彷彿現代父母愛把教養自己兒女的責任老奉往全部往老師身上卸掉,兒女日常起居和 safekeeping 則由家傭照顧晒似的 。

vivian 說...

i feel what you feel...i had this experienced meeting parents last year..there's only one answer to this so-called problem: family education. parents have no excuse of not 'disciplining' (not in a bad way!) their kids, what do they expect the teachers to do? i wonder if the MAJORITY of parents are 'qualified' to be parents'?!

MissLee 說...

呵呵,我一d都唔辛苦,睇慣左,我唉兩聲就無野囉,老油條左囉,呢幾年。

你話學校的制度和老師的教學法無責任咩,點會無。好似港燦個case,如果能夠因才 / 需要施教就最好,但一來我們沒有多餘的資源,二來你細個仲可以就個細路,但縱壞佢,佢睇日出黎個社會無好處。諗到呢到,我成日都覺得睇日晚年可能幾可悲。

就算高深的專業人士又點﹖就係因為佢地受高深教育,先接受到唔到自己個仔有各類特殊教育需要,或者對小朋友的期望過高,將一切教育的不快都推往學校。最常聽那句就係"佢係屋企唔係咁嫁喎,你地做咩教成佢咁﹖"你話呢﹖

Vivian,我地學校都會攪d家長學當,教家長教仔。不過最重要係心態,但呢樣野無可能統一,也很難調節和改變。

HK 說...

misslee, 爭功諉過乃人之常情. 以我教書的朋友常向我訴苦情況來看. 那些專業人士最難纏. 反而不是新移民家長最麻煩! 新移民家長最多是不明白香港的制度和情況, 耐心解釋就可以. 而他們反而比較有尊師重道的心態.

至於那些專業人士, 他們懂得制度, 而且知道你們怕投訴, 所以好契而不捨地去寫信, (他們用同樣幹勁就可以教好小朋友) 當你不怕恐嚇, 就向校長投訴. 校長頂住了, 就向教統局. 真的鐵柱磨成針呀!

有個例子: 我朋友教中中, 常常在家長會上聽到家長講, 話自己個仔(女)幾醒幾醒. 其實應該讀英中. 有一回, 一位家長就說著同樣的故事. 仲加上一句: "我個仔應該讀英中, 都唔知點解派到你呢間咁既中學". 朋友當場氣炸了肺, 還好忍得住!

我想, 家長你認為兒子咁醒, 何不自己考入英中? 現在這麼說, 小朋友會怎樣想?

我叫我的朋友這樣回應: 本來我都好醒, 應該入到哈佛/劍橋. 但不知點解只是港大肯收我...

朋友說, 你咁講, 明天羅范椒芬一定知道你的名字!

後記.
現在風聲無咁緊, 羅范椒芬就出來駁嘴. 詳情請看今天明報 http://www.mingpaonews.com/20060403/fac1.htm

MissLee 說...

HK︰而家d人就係尊卑不分,成日駁咀,以為自己的權利大過一切,以為自己有批判思考同好口才,但李歐梵教授講過,批評唔等於批判考喎!如果家長在學生面前常常投訴學校,並不是健康的現象,孩子會不自覺厭惡自己的學校,咁又點會讀得好呢。

今日才聽同事講,有個讀寫困難的小朋友,其家長投訴中文功課太多(已因應需要trim了),英文卻又不符合歐美的水平。我們嘆謂佢個仔又一舊飯咁,中未得英未得,俾深d既英文佢個小朋友會好辛苦。做咩要咁﹖

laichungleung 說...

Delusional parents and their screwed up kids are a great combo and a guaranteed pain in the butt for their teachers.
Like any good practitioner of any profession, you do the best you can. I don't think any teacher can single handedly save any troubled kids.
Being a teacher of couse has its perks, some good teachers are like rock stars and idolized by their students, for a lifetime. I can't think of any profession, that is except rock stars, whose practitioners are so fondly remembered and adored by their fans.
Being a teacher can be very rewarding, that is, if you can stand the screwed up kids and their parents I guess.
Did I mention summer vacation is around the corner?

HK 說...

misslee, 其實, 教好子女是家長的責任. 老師在學校一個對三四十個. 你在家只對一兩個. 你說有問題是否應該家長你發現先?

若果之後子女成才, 家長就在親友面前大吹大擂. 話自已教子有方. 從不提學校老師做得好. 那麼, 衰就賴學校, 好就歸自已, 通殺! 厲害過澳門何生.

另外有些家長卻沒有自知之明, 明明子女資質一般, 但就期望過高. 拉牛上樹, 何苦.

另外有些家長早就察覺子女行為有問題 (例如讀寫, 過度洽躍, 思覺失調), 但死都話沒有問題! 不肯面對, 雖知這對課堂其他同學影響很大! 而且仲會諸多要求. 要特別對待他的兒子! 這對其他學生公平嗎? 你有交稅, 人家都有交稅. 為什麼你兒子要佔用老師40-50%資源? 但當學校要求轉介去教統局做assessment時, 家長卻死都不去. 咁算點!

當然, 都有很多家長好好人. 而且大部份都是. 但是給你遇見一兩個"好野"時, 就算你是觀屯世音. 都可能發火啦!

樂遊 說...

好!擲地有聲!
- 對著一些學生,我都一樣會想「如果你係我個仔我就星巴你」......「如果你係我個仔....我去死好了」
- 有學生打交,家長說「無理由ga...我個仔在家唔打人,好乖ga」....我很想說「well....大部分強姦犯不會在家中強姦母親的」
- 樂遊定律一:問題學生背後一定有個問題家長。
- 社會或會原諒學生70個7次,但學生會嘗試有無第491次、492次......無限次。
- 教師朋友向我說學生甲借錢數十給乙,一星期後要乙還數百....乙大驚,甲說...借錢要起釘。老師找來甲家長,家長大表認同「借錢給人當然要計息啦....」老師說「根據香港法律,利息不可高於若干,現在貴子弟收的利息已屬高利貸,犯法的,如果你們不改決定,我要去報警」....甲才免收利息。子曰齊之以刑,民免而無恥,學生甲之謂也。

Frostig 說...

同事E, thanks! The story you quoted was SO touching!

I will add oil Ga-la!!!!!!

Frostig 說...

Totally agree with you, hk!

Manki 說...

This piece of diary is impressive.

I am a mother-to-be, and I also believe that a portion of parents in HK are obessive to protect their kids. This is not about love, this is obession. (I quoted this sentence from 'The NY mom' from 'Sex and the city'.

I will alert myself for not emerging as a monster parent you described, thanks.

MissLee 說...

Manki︰

I like the quotation! 母親學做母親,老師也要學做老師,不斷學習才有意義,我真心相信!

祝孩子健康快樂!

匿名 說...

I think you are just another immature teacher. I would think it is time for you to quit the teaching profession.

It is not the first time I heard horrible Christian teacher, ignoring the rights of the Child.

I admit that the classroom situation is far from ideal, but it is not the students responsibility to fit into your desirable mode (stupid and quiet).

匿名 說...

To 匿名者:

Being quiet in the classroom is important NOT because it is the desirable classroom situation required by the teacher. The fact is, those noisy talkative students do not have the right to deprive others' right to learn in a quiet environment!

Also, simlply by reading Miss Lee's blog cannot grant you any evidence to comment Miss Lee as an immature teacher! This is just a nonsense comment!

OUTSIDER 說...

匿名者︰Miss Lee is not complaining about the students but their parents who spoil them - and may be you are one of those poiled kids!

Since you fail to catch the focus of Miss Lee's passage, I think you should go back school and take more lessons!

eggsplash 說...

the photo reminds me of Alien...
which makes you...薛歌李韋花
^_^

匿名 說...

OUTSIDER: You missed my point completely, maybe you are the one that need to take a few more lessons.

Miss Lee is a horrible teacher, she judged her students as 'spoiled' because they are not quiet little 'sheep' in class.

Give me a break! Kids are kids, they don't 'behave' according to this rigid horribe-Christian-standard doesn't mean they are spoiled. The way she talks about 'child abuse" in the "punishment" have already indicate how horrible she really is, as a person and as a teacher.

匿名 說...

OUTSIDER: You missed my point completely, maybe you are the one that need to take a few more lessons.

Miss Lee is a horrible teacher, she judged her students as 'spoiled' because they are not quiet little 'sheep' in class.

Give me a break! Kids are kids, they don't 'behave' according to this rigid horribe-Christian-standard doesn't mean they are spoiled. The way she talks about 'child abuse" in the guise "punishment" have already indicate how horrible she really is, as a person and as a teacher.

MissLee 說...

嗱,本來我真係唔想覆,但係你咁鍥而不捨,禮貌上應該講兩句。

其實我真係幾horrible,講野大聲、巿井、懶惰、臭脾氣、不可無術、常常譭過於人、白字連篇,諸如此類。就因為我仲未係baptised既 Christian,係我唔好,我會耐心等候主的呼召然後去領洗的了。

嗱,我覺得咁,being quiet does not equal to lack of character. Being out-spoken also does not equal to having independent thinking.

如果匿名者你唔係本校師生,咁我就唔覆啦。

如果匿名者你係本校師生,咁我就鼓勵你同有關單位聯絡,唔好讓我這等寄生之物遺害社會。

你慢慢鬧啦,我唔會再覆嫁啦。因為我唔係一個會聽意見既人嘛。

匿名 說...

//Your words: 有些家長從小朋友小時候開始就「怕左佢」,不想破壞親子關係,不打不鬧只講道理,甚至包庇孩子的錯,處處找學校的碴來證實孩子「我本善良」,根本默許孩子的行為。//

I consider 不打不鬧只講道理的家長 as good parents, and you just another horrible teacher. It is not called 包庇, it is just respecting children human rights.

Even if you are baptised, you are still a horrible Christian, a horrible person, and a horrible teacher.

同事E 說...

Miss Lee, 真係唔明點解d人咁無聊, 為鬧而鬧!!! 傻傻地!

Waste Time!~

laichungleung 說...

I read this piece again, I think the gist of it is kids need to be disciplined at school and at home.

I don't read it as OKAY, let's beat the crap out of the kids to submission. No.

She might have said something in jest, in frustration, that hurt some parent's feelings. I think she actualy said discipline doesn't mean corporal punishment....

Have a good day.

HK 說...

miss lee, 看來你有可能:
1. 遇上吊靴鬼
2. 或者遇上另一半了. 君不見做戲常有怨家成伴侶嗎? 正所謂差人愛邪牌... (一笑)

耐心等候主的呼召吧, 耶穌在世都對法利賽人無符. 更何況我等蟻民? 一想到此處我就對世事多點釋懷.

註: 法利賽人大部份是偽善者, 仲要常常裝作信仰虔誠.

MissLee 說...

HK: 我打完上面個貓,就收朋友叫我週五同週日返CHURCH啦,梗係去啦。我會乖乖地等的了。

匿名 說...

//She might have said something in jest, in frustration, that hurt some parent's feelings. I think she actualy said discipline doesn't mean corporal punishment....//

Well, I actually read it as "corporal punishment'. Isn't that what the HK mainstream Church promote? What other 'discipline' could there be when she said this "我有時發火,心裡想如果你係我個仔,我一早一巴扯過去。"

No explaination (or excuse) is necessary when this Miss Lee is just another church going child abusing Christian at heart.